I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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