dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
