Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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