You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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