we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
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I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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