who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize