His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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