Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize