I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
