i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
