I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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