Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
handjob tips. give me some.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
