I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
