3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
