I smell stomach acid.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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