I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home