I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
