Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
