I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
