i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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