for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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