i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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