Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
