you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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