was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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