one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
