you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
