I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
