Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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