One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
