she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
