Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
