I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
