clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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