I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
