so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
