Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I need you to use more vowels.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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