I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
