at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
