This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
