she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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