All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
