I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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