I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
