do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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