Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize