alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I lost the right to judge tonight
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
