Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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