Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
