i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
