i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
