By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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