He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
