U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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