i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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