if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
