Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
