k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He passed out mid-signature
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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