She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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