I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
