i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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