He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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