Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
