I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
