are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
