the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
