Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
