I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
