if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm passing your future prison.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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