my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
did i walk over a car last night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
