FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
