So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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