found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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