If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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