just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
MIDGETS
????
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
