What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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